arsenicalhumor

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Offline (the 06/22/2015 at 10:16pm)

arsenicalhumor

9Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 January 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4075
  • Number of comments : 215
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About arsenicalhumor : I work in a garage for an automotive group. On my free time I'm either reading FML's, or gaming. I like women, so if you're here to flirt: go find someone else.

arsenicalhumor's page activity

Visits<b>eski2015</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 9:59pm<b>plan_Z</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 7:13am<b>MisUnFortunate</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 12:53pm<b>MissMayLaw001</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 3:29pm<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 12:08am<b>turtlewrangler</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 5:27pm<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 2:47am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 5:09pm<b>boricualuv</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 12:18pm<b>dogshorsescats</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 2:25pm<b>dudeutookhrs</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 11:24am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 10:34pm<b>thatguynamedsky</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 12:16am<b>sarahmsw20</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 5:50pm<b>LoveNnyl</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 7:35am<b>ShooperShweggy</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 7:58am<b>thrasher590</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 10:36am<b>NoNamedBrilliant</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 11:18pm

Fucked!<b>eski2015</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 3:59am<b>thatguynamedsky</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 6:16am<b>LoveNnyl</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 1:35pm<b>Mukuro</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 5:49pm<b>S232Flash</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 10:52am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 1:40pm<b>brook22</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 12:11am<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 10:09am

arsenicalhumor's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of arsenicalhumor's badges

arsenicalhumor's favorite FMLs

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2013 at 3:51am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, some jackass in an Iron Man mask nailed me in the head with a quarter while I was helping other customers. Minimum wage isn't worth this crap. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2013 at 12:05am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

by pianoplayer / 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

by sprainedankle / 05/17/2013 at 4:49pm / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Health

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me. Apparently I'm not the "classy girl" he thought I was, and he's not comfortable "doing such vile things in public." I had tried to hold his hand. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2013 at 2:43am / United States / Love

Today, I was rushed to the ER due to a very swollen foot and high fever. The doctors said I just have a tissue infection but my parents believe I have a flesh eating disease. I can hear them discussing my future with an amputated leg. FML

by iLikeMyLegs / 05/09/2013 at 7:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2013 at 12:30pm / Saudi Arabia (Makkah) / Love

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

by anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Wyoming) / Money

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 years old, and we've lived together for the past four years. FML

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

by dancer, not a hooker... / 05/05/2013 at 1:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML

by rent-a-cop / 05/05/2013 at 12:28am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

by emasculated 10000% / 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm / Sweden (Kronobergs Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids