arsenicalhumor

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Offline (the 06/22/2015 at 10:16pm)

arsenicalhumor

9Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 January 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4082
  • Number of comments : 215
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About arsenicalhumor : I work in a garage for an automotive group. On my free time I'm either reading FML's, or gaming. I like women, so if you're here to flirt: go find someone else.

arsenicalhumor's page activity

Visits<b>eski2015</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 9:59pm<b>plan_Z</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 7:13am<b>MisUnFortunate</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 12:53pm<b>MissMayLaw001</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 3:29pm<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 12:08am<b>turtlewrangler</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 5:27pm<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 2:47am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 5:09pm<b>boricualuv</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 12:18pm<b>dogshorsescats</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 2:25pm<b>dudeutookhrs</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 11:24am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 10:34pm<b>thatguynamedsky</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 12:16am<b>sarahmsw20</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 5:50pm<b>LoveNnyl</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 7:35am<b>ShooperShweggy</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 7:58am<b>thrasher590</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 10:36am<b>NoNamedBrilliant</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 11:18pm

Fucked!<b>eski2015</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 3:59am<b>thatguynamedsky</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 6:16am<b>LoveNnyl</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 1:35pm<b>Mukuro</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 5:49pm<b>S232Flash</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 10:52am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 1:40pm<b>brook22</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 12:11am<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 10:09am

arsenicalhumor's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of arsenicalhumor's badges

arsenicalhumor's favorite FMLs

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

by mile high clubber / 07/14/2013 at 6:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend of over four years cheated on me in revenge for me abandoning our date last night. I'm a surgeon on call at the local hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

by BlueB / 07/06/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I Googled "How to act like an adult." I'm 37. FML

by forever young / 07/05/2013 at 11:16am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Iowa) / Money

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2013 at 1:35pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 1:18pm / Czech Republic / Transportation

Today, my sister called me up extremely excited because she found out Flo Rida is from Florida. She's 22. FML

by smh / 06/27/2013 at 7:37pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

by CatLover<3 / 06/18/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML

by I hate my job / 06/08/2013 at 6:20pm / United States / Work

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

by hopeyoushityourintestinesout / 06/07/2013 at 8:16pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

by anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 12:41am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy