About arsenicalhumor : I work in a garage for an automotive group. On my free time I'm either reading FML's, or gaming. I like women, so if you're here to flirt: go find someone else.
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arsenicalhumor's favorite FMLs
by fmysexlife / 07/27/2009 at 1:06am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, I went to TGI Friday's with my crush. At the end of our meal, the waitress gave us mints with the bill. He said something that made me laugh, and I began choking on my mint. After a few coughs, I finally managed to get it out. It hit him in the forehead and landed in his drink. FML
by CityGirl / 07/16/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (Alaska) / Love
Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML
by Anonymous / 07/16/2009 at 2:15am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I had an interview with IBM. For a week I did extensive research and preparation for the interview. At first the interview was going really well. I was hitting all the marks. Then just as a final casual question she asked with a smile "What does IBM stand for?". I didn't know. FML
by MrZhang / 06/22/2009 at 11:34pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 06/05/2009 at 5:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I made chicken noodle soup for the girl I've been seeing to help her get over her cold. From scratch. Everything fresh save for the canned chicken stock. It took an hour in preparation and half an hour to take the bus to her place. Her first words? The celery's not cooked enough. FML
by chickennoodlesoup / 05/20/2009 at 9:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by getyourownbike / 05/12/2009 at 7:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
by MJ3105 / 05/07/2009 at 7:36am / Israel / Animals
Today, I had to watch my neighbor's daughter for 10 hours. She wouldn't eat anything I had to offer, so I ordered a pizza for $19 + a $5 tip = $24. Her father came by to pick her up, thanked me, and gave me a $20 bill. I effectively just paid to watch his kid. FML
by Liz / 04/09/2009 at 5:51pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML
by ugly / 04/07/2009 at 7:34pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I was interviewing a cute guy for my journalism class, and he asked to borrow my laptop to check his email quickly. After the interview, I realized that the last thing I had searched for on my browser's Google box was "ingrown pubic hairs," and it was still up there. FML
by loserface / 02/23/2009 at 5:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by pretty princess / 02/01/2009 at 3:55am / United States (Georgia) / Animals