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arsenicalhumor

Offline (the 11/06/2014 at 4:08am) | Search for a member

arsenicalhumor

5Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 January 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2584
  • Number of comments : 215
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About arsenicalhumor : I work in a garage for an automotive group. On my free time I'm either reading FML's, or gaming. I like women, so if you're here to flirt: go find someone else.

arsenicalhumor's page activity

Visits<b>fantasyworld</b> - 19 hours ago<b>NoNamedBrilliant</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 2:09am<b>jbcy</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 8:21am<b>Scarylizard1798</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 12:18am<b>labracabrador</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 1:09pm<b>LordGoober</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 9:53pm<b>Nailpolishaholic</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 5:01pm<b>just_killin_time</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 1:54pm<b>Botmun12</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 7:51am<b>tonyromoy</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 12:25am<b>IJG2000</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 4:03am<b>blurrr8</b> - the 12/20/2014 at 12:37am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 4:13am<b>ellymae96</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 9:10pm<b>sophielock</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 12:40am<b>S232Flash</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 4:52am<b>j_mitchell25</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 3:36pm<b>alcalaboy5</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 6:03pm

Liked!<b>S232Flash</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 10:52am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 1:40pm<b>brook22</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 12:11am<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 10:09am

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of arsenicalhumor's badges

arsenicalhumor's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

#20861263
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43177) - you deserved it (7349)

On 08/31/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by fartz (woman) - United States

Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML

#20830853
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60081) - you deserved it (3222)

On 08/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

#20825844
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45285) - you deserved it (5246)

On 08/07/2013 at 4:55pm - misc - by wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe (woman) - Sweden

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

#20823044
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37067) - you deserved it (17825)

On 08/06/2013 at 12:01am - animals - by Tea_baggins (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

#20804901
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44326) - you deserved it (3516)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:55pm - misc - by trailertrashyanditsucks (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65135) - you deserved it (6600)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML

#20799589
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59835) - you deserved it (3980)

On 07/23/2013 at 3:03pm - love - by Hesintrouble (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

#20797431
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41240) - you deserved it (5874)

On 07/22/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, while arguing with my newly ex-girlfriend over how she cheated on me with a mutual friend, she tried to wash her hands of any guilt, saying that I was "selfish" and "just slut-shaming, really". FML

#20796093
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42668) - you deserved it (3439)

On 07/21/2013 at 5:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54900) - you deserved it (6349)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54900) - you deserved it (6349)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

#20786268
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44379) - you deserved it (32451) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/16/2013 at 9:18am - health - by Aliiiice (woman) - France (Haute-Normandie)

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

#20786059
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45723) - you deserved it (13564)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by TNDriver (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52579) - you deserved it (6647)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58633) - you deserved it (12277)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)



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