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arrrrrlennie

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arrrrrlennie
  • Town/Country : California
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 288
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About arrrrrlennie : Gotta love reading these posts and comments.

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arrrrrlennie's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey on my breast. To be fair I decided to give him a hickey on his chest. He was so worried about catching shit from the guys on his swim team that he dislocated my jaw trying to get me off him. FML

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48658) - you deserved it (4737) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43064) - you deserved it (3051)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

#21003362
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36633) - you deserved it (4730)

On 12/24/2013 at 5:45am - misc - by yarenis - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

#20986378
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63144) - you deserved it (3064)

On 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm - health - by knee pain - United States

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

#20981890
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37481) - you deserved it (20729)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41898) - you deserved it (4352)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

#20969751
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51657) - you deserved it (5416)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by LadyLola (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

#20949324
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38141) - you deserved it (7803)

On 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by Where is the faith in Humanity - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

#20922179
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44115) - you deserved it (3674)

On 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm - love - by highlydisgusted - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to dinner with a guy I like and paid the $120 bill. After joking that he was an expensive date, he replied, "I laugh at how you think this is a date." FML

#20905656
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46217) - you deserved it (4869)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:14am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, someone stole my card number and tried to use it. Every transaction got declined, not because the bank knew it was a fraudulent charge, but because I'm so poor that he couldn't make even a single purchase. FML

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

#20901889
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40958) - you deserved it (7022)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

#20896706
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39927) - you deserved it (5074)

On 09/26/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by horriblefashionsense (woman) - United States (Florida)



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