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archertheo's FML badges
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
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archertheo's favorite FMLs
Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML
by Jill / 06/15/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2013 at 12:24pm / Cyprus (Limassol) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML
by firestar772 / 06/12/2013 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/09/2013 at 10:29am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Love
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML
by fuck you dad / 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm / Ireland (Monaghan) / Miscellaneous
by Bigfatfailure / 03/28/2013 at 6:02am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by couch_potato / 03/28/2013 at 3:53am / Intimacy
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
by Anna L. / 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 11:21am / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy