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apaloosa's favorite FMLs
Today, during a meal out with my team and bosses, I wasn't drinking. The waiter complained, "If you're not ordering alcohol, how am I supposed to take advantage of you later?" I'm not sure what's worse, the rapey pre-dinner joke or the awkward silence as my colleagues looked on. FML
by pabj208 / 03/05/2015 at 7:07pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Work
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals
by littleteapot / 09/04/2014 at 10:47pm / United States / Intimacy
by whotouchedyou1 / 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by secretsmakefriends / 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Kids
by embarrassed niece / 07/09/2013 at 12:15pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by keiran123 / 06/27/2013 at 7:15pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work
Today, while running, a man ran up next to me and started jogging with me. He asked if he could run with me and I said yes. Later, when I told him I was going home, he followed me home. When I asked him to leave, he say down on my lawn in protest. He has been there for over 4 hours. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2013 at 12:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/11/2013 at 10:12pm / United States / Kids
Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML
by oops / 05/08/2013 at 10:44am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm / Ireland (Donegal) / Love
Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML
by InfamousLastWord / 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Dat Stanky Mouf / 03/16/2013 at 5:52pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous