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annoyedchild

Offline (the 09/09/2014 at 3:11am) | Search for a member

annoyedchild

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 842
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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annoyedchild's page activity

Visits<b>snowflake_3325</b> - the 10/17/2013 at 7:00am<b>SlapAndTickle</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 12:45pm

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annoyedchild's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

#19059244
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10644) - you deserved it (78018)

On 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States

Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML

#18510240
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21007) - you deserved it (4978)

On 12/14/2011 at 9:06am - misc - by annoyed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12113) - you deserved it (91607)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

#18202922
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30089) - you deserved it (22309)

On 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad yelled for me. It was an emergency. I ran down the stairs, tripped, fell, and limped over to my dad only to find that he wanted me to see a video of someone playing "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the ukulele. FML

#18102267
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22734) - you deserved it (2744)

On 10/29/2011 at 9:40am - misc - by camille - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

#17207646
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29026) - you deserved it (14666)

On 07/21/2011 at 7:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

#15203950
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39127) - you deserved it (13131)

On 03/05/2011 at 1:55am - misc - by insomnitude (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

#14614725
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59524) - you deserved it (6139) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - Belgium - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

#14445248
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30358) - you deserved it (3541)

On 01/02/2011 at 11:14pm - misc - by Kristin (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

#14257746
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13677) - you deserved it (28525)

On 12/19/2010 at 5:28am - love - by lonelyengineer (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

#10707019
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30915) - you deserved it (13094)

On 05/23/2010 at 3:29am - work - by Around - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

#6443277
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33396) - you deserved it (7397)

On 11/25/2009 at 9:45am - work - by youshitme (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88490) - you deserved it (14743)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

#5149923
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38972) - you deserved it (4422)

On 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm - kids - by WOCOACH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML

#5081396
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48044) - you deserved it (3741)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by HeShe (man) - United States (Tennessee)



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