amykillswitch

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amykillswitch

10Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 42464
  • Number of comments : 169
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About amykillswitch : You should read your Bible, sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there. Like, did you know Jesus was a Jew?

amykillswitch's page activity

Visits<b>Ajax_Teh_Great</b> - the 08/26/2016 at 1:08pm<b>Chibster</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 5:12am<b>dude2599</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 7:22am<b>soonernation2016</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 8:22pm<b>Necropool</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 12:21am<b>flannelboss27</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 10:29pm<b>smrn95</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 11:31pm<b>hullarms</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 12:18pm<b>jordanwilbanks</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 2:13pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 11:16pm<b>Tomato_Cheese</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 2:22am<b>colder13</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 4:08am<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 10:42am<b>Mean_Oreo2436</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 4:37am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/07/2015 at 7:35pm<b>pks2014</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 7:31pm<b>andres1419</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 3:20pm<b>Nexa</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 1:08am

Fucked!<b>flannelboss27</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 4:29am<b>colder13</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 10:08am<b>andres1419</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 9:21pm<b>Nexa</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 7:08am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 3:21am<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 9:58am<b>robbyq</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 10:18am<b>taylorzgoines</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 9:34pm<b>PITSB</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 12:31am<b>NicholasLanier</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 3:41am

amykillswitch's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

amykillswitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

by yuck / 06/21/2009 at 12:19am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

by jinxofsocal / 06/21/2009 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML

by meantowheels / 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

by desocrates / 06/20/2009 at 6:54pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

by Dumbass / 06/20/2009 at 2:01am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

by NotSoYoung / 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

by Dirtyswede / 06/17/2009 at 10:57am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML

by beatenbyabum / 06/12/2009 at 4:45pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

by NoBalls / 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

by OhGeez / 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML

by Person / 06/07/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2009 at 1:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous