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ammit49's favorite FMLs

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

by failure / 09/22/2011 at 2:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML

by WhyMe / 03/20/2011 at 1:42pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation