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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 21 May 1997 (18 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2966
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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amc597's page activity

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Santa Claus

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amc597's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28037) - you deserved it (2841)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22877) - you deserved it (1909)

On 09/02/2015 at 10:30pm - animals - by pansypup - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21695) - you deserved it (4755)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:56pm - misc - by I love L (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (42502) - you deserved it (4104)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39870) - you deserved it (15334)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm - kids - by JackieD (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML


I agree, your life sucks (40267) - you deserved it (7410)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52077) - you deserved it (9412)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49830) - you deserved it (19329)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML


I agree, your life sucks (45920) - you deserved it (29297)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML


I agree, your life sucks (55022) - you deserved it (4825)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49170) - you deserved it (6373)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38999) - you deserved it (4856)

On 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm - misc - by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (52655) - you deserved it (11979)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

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  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

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