amc597

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Offline (the 07/20/2016 at 5:55am)

amc597

11Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 21 May 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4068
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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amc597's page activity

Visits<b>jogihoppa8343</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 11:44am<b>S4ssyK4t</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 6:51pm<b>Nathan_Henry</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 8:24pm<b>itsjulia1</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 4:56pm<b>larg3</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 4:36pm<b>chuka81</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 3:55pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 1:47pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 1:43pm<b>cutterteen</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 1:54am<b>Lorrali</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 6:13pm<b>Spiral061</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 4:35pm<b>Alyss4981</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 1:46pm<b>ZombieGuyCXV</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 11:30am<b>ScorpioTheConque</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 6:54am<b>MiLM</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 2:36pm<b>tiger820</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 9:19am<b>random_funnygirl</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 11:51am<b>Nahpets</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 3:31pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 7:43pm<b>tiger820</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 6:09pm<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 09/06/2015 at 1:01pm<b>khoov19</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 6:41am<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 11:50pm<b>S232Flash</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 3:09am<b>Rodville</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 11:10pm<b>tiredofwaiting</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 10:54pm<b>CowTippingDwarfs</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 3:57am<b>jjeffriesftw</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 2:28am<b>kamart</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 7:51am

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amc597's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

by pansypup / 09/02/2015 at 10:30pm / United States (New Mexico) / Animals

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

by I love L / 08/08/2015 at 6:56pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

by tbree / 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

by JackieD / 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

by royallymessedup / 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm / Love

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

by embarrassed / 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

by Pandamomma / 07/21/2014 at 8:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

by Jarool / 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude / 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

by that girl / 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy