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alyalyoxenfree's favorite FMLs
by anonymousyo / 04/24/2015 at 6:04pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML
by mafille / 03/18/2015 at 11:22pm / France / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/09/2015 at 10:41pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML
by ScottyB / 12/22/2014 at 3:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML
by thechaos / 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked and walked in, expecting to catch him red handed with a girl. He'd just beaten his high score on Flappy Bird. FML
by royallymessedup / 09/21/2014 at 11:33am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by Nat / 09/13/2014 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/07/2014 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Geek
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by anonyme / 07/30/2014 at 2:51am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML
by Pandamomma / 07/21/2014 at 8:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm / Spain (Catalonia) / Intimacy
by and god shat / 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
- Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three… Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He… Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love…