always_audrey

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Offline (the 12/08/2015 at 3:50am)

always_audrey

0Fucked!

always_audreyalways_audrey
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 309
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About always_audrey : нey ι'м aυdrey
ι love тo нang oυт wιтн мy ғrιendѕ
and aм тoтally careғree

always_audrey's page activity

Visits<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 11:13pm<b>boating_guy</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 4:57am<b>xThatOneWeirdGuy</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 6:39pm

always_audrey's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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always_audrey's favorite FMLs

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

by LeaveHimAlone / 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

by oh why... / 12/20/2013 at 9:51am / United States / Love

Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML

by _The__Doctor_ / 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2012 at 1:04am / United States / Health

Today, I realized the birthmark I have on my chest isn't a birthmark at all; it's a third nipple. FML

by triplenipple / 01/10/2011 at 3:35pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Health

Today, I was cleaning one of my elderly patient's teeth. After finishing and reminding her to floss, I realised she had died. Supposedly she was dead for a good 20 minutes. FML

by mrdentist / 12/02/2010 at 8:20am / Love

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 1:22am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

by RachelDC / 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

by christinabear / 04/15/2009 at 1:14am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

by dannij08 / 01/13/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous