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alliewillie's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
alliewillie's favorite FMLs
by awkwardmandy / 03/11/2016 at 1:28pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
by billjoebob424 / 03/09/2016 at 7:01pm / Canada / Love
by idontlikebitter / 03/08/2016 at 4:10pm / Switzerland (Aargau) / Miscellaneous
Today, an old man wanted to return a fryer. The box had blood smears all over it, so I told him no. He became irate and demanded a manager. Management said, "Hell no and don't touch that box." When I came back, he was licking a paper towel and attempting to wipe off the blood. FML
by leafynitemare / 03/08/2016 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my dad posted on Facebook, apologizing to anyone he'd texted the night before. He said he'd gotten wasted and didn't mean anything he said. So much for that first ever "I'm proud of you" then. FML
by gayvsgay / 03/06/2016 at 10:31am / Germany (Saarland) / Intimacy
by man-period? / 03/02/2016 at 1:48am / United States (Oregon) / Health
by woahlaura / 02/14/2016 at 11:26am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my parents have deliberately ruined my last 2 relationships, because they want me to get back together with my ex simply because he is my son's dad. Apparently, my son needs his father more than I need a man who won't beat me every time he gets drunk. FML
by anon / 01/31/2016 at 4:38pm / United States / Work
by crinitis / 01/28/2016 at 11:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 11:35am / United States (Kansas) / Kids
Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML
by Anonymous / 01/23/2016 at 4:21am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Love
by FML / 01/19/2016 at 1:41am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 2:26am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML
by Gamergirl137 / 01/15/2016 at 9:28pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, sewage came up the toilet and tub in my apartment and spread far enough to get into the hallway. The maintenance crew found the source of the blocked pipes to be a ten inch long weave some idiot flushed down a toilet. FML
by NeedsANewApartment / 01/13/2016 at 12:54am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, my economics teacher gives us a lot of photocopies, so I told her that she kills pandas by… Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…