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alliewillie

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alliewillie
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 10833
  • Number of comments : 237
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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alliewillie's favorite FMLs

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

#1550190
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (162193) - you deserved it (39943)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

#1550059
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21124) - you deserved it (221081)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

#1550059
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21124) - you deserved it (221081)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

#1535605
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74243) - you deserved it (4723)

On 05/01/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by smartgirl (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my wife and I decided it would be funny to pull a prank on her family who we were going to see for dinner. I hid in the foyer while she went in and announced to her parents that she was leaving me. I watched as her mother hugged her daughter and cried "Finally..." FML

#1512268
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61207) - you deserved it (18960)

On 05/01/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by goner - United States (New York)

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

#1495877
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40974) - you deserved it (24237)

On 04/30/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by ashley (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

#1479703
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77195) - you deserved it (3768)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:53am - animals - by dasbooot (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

#1423979
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18584) - you deserved it (54644)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm - misc - by fuckspellcheck (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

#1415688
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (192088) - you deserved it (9120)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

#1409707
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98797) - you deserved it (7528)

On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

#1286671
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21198) - you deserved it (66947)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - animals - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

#1280254
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8165) - you deserved it (56515)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was OK until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he whipped out 5 yoyos and did a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML

#1214403
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57731) - you deserved it (5973)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:24am - misc - by 11321 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my shower is being renovated so I decided to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal on accident. FML

#1206397
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64348) - you deserved it (24440)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by hairball (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at my senior dance dancing with this guy I really like. He was telling me how he likes a strong woman who's not afraid to make the first move. Empowered by what he said, I asked him out. He said no because he thinks girls shouldn't ask guys out. FML

#1200256
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56910) - you deserved it (4183)

On 04/21/2009 at 5:52pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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