Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

aljop

Offline (the 05/28/2015 at 5:00pm) | Search for a member

aljop

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 28 September 1999 (15 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 476
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About aljop : Football player, track runner, boxer. Freshmen.

aljop's page activity

Visits<b>elvenlegs</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 9:15pm<b>lord_farqwad</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 8:58pm<b>bryonyb33</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 4:37am<b>Syncronisis</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 3:48pm<b>HeadlessSparrow</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 2:04pm<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 1:04pm<b>GeorgeCarter95</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 11:24am<b>ShadowClone27</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 1:22am<b>loveestt</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 3:08pm<b>Queen_bee1234</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 7:51am<b>jcroisdale</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 3:38pm<b>cmonger</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 3:46pm<b>thisguy184</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 10:26pm<b>grogers311</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 8:02am<b>jfkdjfnnfjchn</b> - the 03/15/2014 at 10:05pm<b>thatADHDdude</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 1:49pm<b>sneeks</b> - the 10/12/2013 at 12:30pm<b>christiine_k</b> - the 10/10/2013 at 7:20pm

aljop's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of aljop's badges

aljop's favorite FMLs

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

#21399378
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31113) - you deserved it (2493)

On 04/25/2015 at 6:34am - love - by a critically injured shitehawk (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML

Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML

#21389569
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32408) - you deserved it (4735)

On 04/07/2015 at 8:47pm - misc - by burnswhenipee - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

#21382840
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45460) - you deserved it (3339)

On 03/28/2015 at 5:20am - intimacy - by soontobewidow (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

#21381305
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30489) - you deserved it (4350)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

#21379225
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27588) - you deserved it (2986)

On 03/22/2015 at 12:03am - health - by noway - United States (California)

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

#21371903
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35181) - you deserved it (3921)

On 03/10/2015 at 3:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32629) - you deserved it (3042)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

#21365242
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18765) - you deserved it (55478)

On 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

#21360688
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34563) - you deserved it (8275)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:47pm - misc - by wife - United States (California)

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

#21358080
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30493) - you deserved it (9079)

On 02/17/2015 at 3:02pm - kids - by Clive81 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that honestly answering "yes" to "Are Kate Upton's boobs bigger than mine?" is in my girlfriend's mind the equivalent of saying I don't find her attractive anymore and that I want to break up with her to date a supermodel. FML

#21355268
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27954) - you deserved it (7149)

On 02/13/2015 at 9:54am - love - by StrawHatBill (man) - United States

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18788) - you deserved it (35655)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

#21342118
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30277) - you deserved it (2436)

On 01/22/2015 at 5:40am - misc - by burningman (man) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML

#21341327
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30790) - you deserved it (11864)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:10pm - intimacy - by chelse_elyce - United States



Juliette Bubulle's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Juliette's illustrated FML
  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: