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alipod's favorite FMLs
by drucle / 03/18/2016 at 8:49am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health
Today, I had sex with a guy I really had a connection with. It went perfect until I complimented how his moans during sex turn me on a lot, and he responded with, "That's what my mom told me." I laughed so hard we couldn't go on. FML
by UnicornWaffles / 03/16/2016 at 1:23pm / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Intimacy
by singlemam / 03/14/2016 at 9:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by ohgodwhy / 04/06/2013 at 10:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Nico / 02/15/2013 at 8:37pm / Work
Today, after declining an amazing job offer that pays more than double what I make now in order to accept a promotion my boss offered me if I stayed, I asked when I would receive the promotion and pay raise. She snorted and said, "You thought I was serious about that?" FML
by Fackwork / 05/30/2012 at 5:37am / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 2:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
by Bonapp / 02/09/2012 at 5:11pm / France / Miscellaneous
by shithead / 09/18/2011 at 4:17pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
by RebekahBrooke / 09/17/2011 at 1:13pm / United States / Work
by thedeerman / 09/17/2011 at 12:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm / United States / Kids
Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML
by ceetee / 07/26/2011 at 9:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/25/2011 at 1:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML
by Username / 07/23/2011 at 5:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous