About alice_in_mordor : ....
alice_in_mordor's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
alice_in_mordor's favorite FMLs
Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML
by Why Me / 08/12/2015 at 9:50am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by pantsareathing / 06/13/2015 at 1:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by zzarzzur / 05/22/2015 at 2:55am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my scumbag landlady broke into my place and stole my mop, which I refused to give her earlier. She denied everything and tried to convince me that some criminal broke in using a key, stole only my mop, and was nice enough to lock up on the way out. FML
by Anonymous / 01/07/2015 at 11:29am / Sri Lanka / Miscellaneous
by Mr_snuggels / 12/24/2014 at 3:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/02/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by MegasaurusRex89 / 10/17/2014 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by muffins / 08/09/2014 at 9:50am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML
by FUCK YOU / 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML
Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML
by 404: sense not found / 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML
by polebitch49 / 03/14/2014 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy