alexsandria83

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Offline (the 10/14/2014 at 1:47am)

alexsandria83

0Fucked!

alexsandria83alexsandria83
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 21 October 1983 (32 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 653
  • Number of comments : 48
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About alexsandria83 : I hate writing in these "about you" sections... I'm pretty awesome that's all anyone really needs to know ;)

alexsandria83's page activity

Visits<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/25/2016 at 10:45am<b>Martinez0285</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 9:29pm<b>Imakebadmistakes</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 11:43am<b>teamS</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 12:31am<b>charissaoz</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 4:38pm<b>dubb420</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 3:44pm<b>ninjuh_wingman</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 8:52am<b>Earrings100</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 10:35am<b>MacItUp</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 9:20am<b>Bano360</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 7:05pm<b>Wolverine33</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 9:55am<b>thenomad</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 2:32pm<b>keatshire</b> - the 12/18/2013 at 9:06am<b>alexxxxxxxx</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 1:25am<b>GayBlowjob</b> - the 10/12/2013 at 4:19pm<b>ApexReaper</b> - the 10/03/2013 at 9:50am<b>doubledutchy</b> - the 09/26/2013 at 3:11am<b>cskipgolfer2013</b> - the 09/25/2013 at 7:35pm

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alexsandria83's favorite FMLs

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:20am / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

by foops / 02/02/2014 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, I asked my sister what she thought of my boyfriend. She said, "He's nice. Deserves better than you, really." FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2014 at 1:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, while researching tea etiquette for Sunday's tea, I read, "to put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry." I suddenly panicked that this very lack of knowledge is why I haven't met a man who wants to marry me, and that I never will. I'm only 23. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2013 at 9:11pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

by wasted_gas / 10/05/2013 at 12:00pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

by spiritbeast33 / 09/11/2013 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 2:52am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2013 at 7:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fired when a customer called corporate, saying I was unprofessional and rude. The "customer" in question was my little sister, who I would not let buy beer with a fake ID. FML

by Kannachan13 / 08/28/2013 at 7:02pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

by countryblumpkin / 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML

by Bnewlove / 07/31/2013 at 12:50am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML

by kilamo80 / 07/27/2013 at 5:26am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous