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alexis083000's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML
by MotherMary / 10/12/2014 at 9:21am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, while waiting for a plane, a man in a wheelchair was struggling to get to baggage, so I helped him. I did so without realising that I passed through the "No Entry" gate. What did I forget? My phone, my ID, and my boarding pass. What do you need to get back to the plane? All of those. FML
by epiclollipop / 10/12/2014 at 8:52am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
by MrG / 10/11/2014 at 11:14pm / United States / Animals
Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML
by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML
by bluevix / 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by SeriousJoker72 / 10/10/2014 at 9:17pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Health
by MainePains / 10/10/2014 at 7:27pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
by housewiththinwalls / 10/10/2014 at 7:22pm / Sweden / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML
by TalkDirtyToMe / 10/10/2014 at 3:33pm / New Zealand / Intimacy
by JulietMarie / 10/10/2014 at 3:12pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I noticed he looked uncomfortable. When I asked what was wrong, he asked when the last time I shaved was. I answered, "I shaved my legs this morning." He shook his head and said, "No, I meant your face." FML
by Jasmine / 10/10/2014 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Love
by anonymous / 10/09/2014 at 6:09pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was walking down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, when a seemingly sweet old man said to him, "Hey, you've got to hold her hand properly". I asked him to show me what properly meant. He licked my hand. FML
by peak4u / 10/09/2014 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love
- Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded,… Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up.… Today, I helped a man with a neck brace get on the bus. I fell asleep, only to wake up later on to…
- Today, I finally went to talk to my neighbour upstairs. He is always throwing his cigarette buts on… Today, I visited a new tattoo parlor, as my previous artist made me uncomfortable with his drunken,… Today, I screamed so hard during a nightmare that I developed Laryngitis. I work in a call center.…