alaskanraccoon

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alaskanraccoon

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 17 August 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 338
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About alaskanraccoon : Message me anytime you want and I'll reply haha

alaskanraccoon's page activity

Visits<b>maxyutd</b> - the 02/19/2014 at 11:18am<b>Nish007</b> - the 11/26/2013 at 2:07pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 10/21/2013 at 7:22pm<b>sweet0cheeks</b> - the 09/24/2013 at 9:19pm<b>nuux74</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 12:28am<b>killuminatirebel</b> - the 09/12/2013 at 12:09am<b>CheckMyProfile</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 1:23pm<b>NakedandScared</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 1:46am<b>virgilcole505</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 12:43am<b>bigpoppamelanie</b> - the 09/03/2013 at 9:05pm<b>dontgivafuk</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 5:18pm<b>phatdaddy62</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 2:48pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 9:04am<b>bayliebug</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 2:47am<b>Testing1234</b> - the 08/30/2013 at 7:56pm<b>zeropointnine</b> - the 08/29/2013 at 11:09pm<b>THE_Black_Jesus</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 9:28pm<b>ilovecuddling</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 10:02pm

alaskanraccoon's FML badges

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alaskanraccoon's favorite FMLs

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

by vmml97 / 08/01/2013 at 12:32am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2013 at 12:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

by lsababy / 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her, she really was a girl, and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34. FML

by lifsabtch / 01/06/2013 at 12:24pm / Love

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

by SugarMyBalls / 12/19/2012 at 6:31pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2012 at 1:33am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

by yummy / 05/29/2011 at 11:34pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

by anonymous / 04/07/2010 at 12:21am / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy