About aintlifeapain : Writing a new chapter of my life.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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aintlifeapain's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up with a hangover from hell. My clothes were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML
by chunderful202 / 12/24/2012 at 3:46am / United Kingdom (Havering) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML
by Anonymous / 11/30/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML
by With_Love929 / 10/29/2012 at 5:45pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work
by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids
by annoyed / 09/27/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by lonelygirl / 08/17/2012 at 7:33pm / United States (Utah) / Animals
by cardsftw / 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids
Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML
by Anonymous / 04/18/2012 at 6:59am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I tried to impress my wife by doing a bunch of push-ups, despite having a bad shoulder. She told me my form sucks and that I'm an idiot. Now I can barely move my arm and I'm going to have to get it fixed. FML
by WTA / 02/20/2012 at 12:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
by DocBastard / 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm / United States / Kids
Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML
by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 1:18am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML
by pupitre / 10/17/2011 at 8:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by octoberrain / 10/10/2011 at 7:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Love