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aback's FML badges
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aback's favorite FMLs
Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML
by BigmouthStrikesAgain / 08/18/2011 at 8:18pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
by Tootie / 07/30/2011 at 2:58am / United States (Michigan) / Work
by loser4life / 07/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
by fmylife7721 / 07/03/2011 at 1:51am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by taydean / 05/26/2011 at 5:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML
by f*cks_sake / 05/13/2011 at 7:07pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML
by Anonymous / 04/28/2011 at 10:24pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Animals
Today, I went to a baseball game. It was windy, so I decided to get my hat from the car trunk. When I opened it and reached in, loose papers started flying everywhere. Panicked, my dad slammed the trunk shut on my fingers. Entering the stadium, I discovered it was free hat day. FML
by oww / 04/05/2011 at 3:46am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML
by sandra22 / 01/22/2011 at 3:49am / Miscellaneous
Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 6:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 12:42am / United States (Nevada) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 7:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
- Today, I was watching horror stories alone in my room. It got to the climax of the story and my cat… Today, while working the slides at the water park I work at, I had a man scream at me because I was… Today, I used the phrase "It smells like something died in here". Something did. My cat Jasmine. FML
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,…