_sempiternus

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_sempiternus

17Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 23 May 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1396
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About _sempiternus : ♡ My name's Ari. I'm obsessed with bubble baths and horror movies. Fanatic of ancient mythology and the arts; hobbies include eating pizza and cracking lame jokes.

_sempiternus's page activity

Visits<b>badmandilon</b> - the 09/25/2016 at 7:35pm<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 09/16/2016 at 9:59am<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 09/14/2016 at 9:37am<b>Mons</b> - the 09/13/2016 at 7:04am<b>niallo</b> - the 09/13/2016 at 7:03am<b>16416</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 3:22pm<b>Sencilia101</b> - the 08/31/2016 at 7:09am<b>dzinex7</b> - the 08/28/2016 at 5:19pm<b>abbs24</b> - the 08/26/2016 at 9:51am<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 08/16/2016 at 8:29pm<b>TheHinduHomie</b> - the 07/27/2016 at 12:45am<b>tofimixy</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 4:07am<b>ILoveMyDogs420</b> - the 07/18/2016 at 5:27am<b>cat_dog</b> - the 07/16/2016 at 7:20pm<b>thatguy1531</b> - the 07/11/2016 at 10:07am<b>lujainkh</b> - the 06/25/2016 at 3:22pm<b>lungjiao</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 3:07am<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 05/15/2016 at 2:56pm

Fucked!<b>16416</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 9:22pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 08/17/2016 at 2:30am<b>tofimixy</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 10:07am<b>thatguy1531</b> - the 07/11/2016 at 4:07pm<b>FuckThisLogin</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 2:44pm<b>wassup388</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 5:31am<b>JadeOmega</b> - the 02/28/2016 at 12:26am<b>younging111</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 6:20am<b>Starzak</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 11:58pm<b>amburrjade</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 5:11am<b>Wane8822</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 2:00pm<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 11:28am<b>cdncw</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 10:03pm<b>austin13125</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 1:53am<b>shivamtrivedi</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 10:57pm<b>xninix</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 9:03pm<b>hater4lizife</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 5:10pm

_sempiternus's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of _sempiternus's badges

_sempiternus's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

by gottacatchemall / 01/08/2014 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

by whorecrux / 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

by dan / 06/25/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

by unknown52 / 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Health

Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML

by Virginiedetibo / 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 7:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

by allalone / 07/13/2010 at 8:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

by janedoe / 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work