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_Elbyshay_'s FML badges
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_Elbyshay_'s favorite FMLs
Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML
by Snow-White / 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend asked me where I've always wanted to settle down, and I told her that Italy had always appealed to me. She snorted and told me what a bad idea that was, because "you don't speak French". FML
by HazingNight / 07/02/2014 at 4:46pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by NosChersVoisins / 07/01/2014 at 12:55am / France (Aquitaine) / Love
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm / Spain (Comunidad Valenciana) / Animals
by possibly fucked / 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy
Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML
Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2014 at 2:42am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids
Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML
by needanotherbed / 05/28/2014 at 10:21am / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
by N O / 05/27/2014 at 2:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by shylahrc / 05/03/2014 at 7:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML
by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude / 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by sexual parrot / 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals
by Anonymous / 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm / Norway (Nordland) / Work
by Ow / 04/18/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Arizona) / Health
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…