About Zelphoric : Wow. You're on my profile! You probably either like Deadpool or you just clicked my picture on accident. Either way, enjoy your stay, which will probably be around 10 to 15 seconds. :P
Zelphoric's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Who’s the fairest of them all?
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Zelphoric's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2016 at 12:35pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that even though I'm marrying my fiancée in 2 weeks, I don't even love her any more. The only reason I'm doing it is because I don't want to upset her or her family, because they think I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. FML
by j / 04/18/2016 at 6:24pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I gave the cop my insurance information, but he said it was invalid because it didn't show an expiration date. When I pointed out the information he was looking for, he ignored me and gave me a ticket anyway. FML
by can you read? / 04/08/2016 at 3:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Belle / 04/08/2016 at 2:11pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/31/2016 at 9:43am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my phone back after bringing it in to get a crack in the screen repaired. The crack is fixed, but now the touch screen doesn't work and it won't connect to the Internet. I essentially paid to have my phone broken even more. FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2016 at 10:36am / United States (New York) / Money
by Anonymous / 03/27/2016 at 8:27am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/24/2016 at 11:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I walked in on one of my co-workers jerking off in the bathroom, complete with heavy breathing and victory groans. I don't want to go to HR, but I can't even look at him anymore. We have to work on a project together next week. FML
by Sandman2015 / 01/29/2016 at 1:36pm / United States (Utah) / Work
Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML
by parasheeeet / 01/13/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals
by notanightowlanymore / 01/05/2016 at 12:44pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by kinzielee / 01/05/2016 at 12:41pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, after trying unsuccessfully for three or so years to have a baby with my wife, my broodiness has gotten so bad that when I saw a couple with their daughter at the bus stop, I briefly had a daydream where I shot them in the head and took their daughter home to raise as my own. FML
by DesperateToBeDad / 12/31/2015 at 6:57am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Kids
by 123literateABC / 11/03/2015 at 10:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…