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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Zach2014's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/02/2014 at 1:30am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by oncehipjr / 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML
by hahaohyeahwow / 09/24/2014 at 12:24am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML
by I need a new ballsack. / 09/16/2014 at 12:20pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Health
by unlucky / 09/03/2014 at 1:40pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by NoSexForMe / 07/13/2014 at 3:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by bad in the sack / 07/05/2014 at 12:26am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up, I noticed a little button on the side. I pressed it and the toilet flushed. I've worked there for nine months and just found out today that our toilets don't flush automatically. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2014 at 10:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML
by dani / 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
by iusedprotectionanyway / 03/21/2014 at 5:44pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by vegas-81 / 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm / France / Intimacy
Today, I told my professor that I'll be missing class next week due to upcoming surgery. I asked if I could take the exam that I'd otherwise miss another day. He said no, and that I'd just have to take a failing grade, then wished me luck with the surgery. FML
by ... / 02/07/2014 at 3:30pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML
by CatBlock / 01/31/2014 at 1:16am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
- Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck… Today, my bike brakes failed as I was going downhill. I ended up running a light and hit a car at… Today, my crush got together with a dude on my 18th birthday party after I tried my best to win her…