XxeftxX

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XxeftxX

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  • Number of visits : 6315
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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XxeftxX's FML badges

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XxeftxX's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2015 at 1:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my coworker who I have been crushing on for a while, that I really enjoyed our time last night. I immediately realized that the time we spent last night was in my sex dream. FML

by who_cares / 07/09/2015 at 7:20am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2015 at 9:53am / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! / 02/01/2015 at 11:17am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was playing Charades. My boyfriend, who I'd recently had a fight with, had trouble and just said his answer was the name of my celebrity twin. Nobody got it. He said "Really? It's Fat Bastard." Stunned silence followed, broken by a single "HAH." from my 'best friend'. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2015 at 6:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

by BDSM4Jesus / 01/19/2015 at 11:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

by anon / 01/19/2015 at 12:35am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my father was playing with my son and his toy animals. He picked one up and said, "What is this? Some kind of African horse?" It was a zebra. FML

Today, I accidentally texted my mother instead of my drug dealer. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

by Soulara89 / 12/22/2014 at 8:28pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

by anonix / 12/21/2014 at 2:08pm / Canada / Work

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

by qyx3lmnop24 / 12/20/2014 at 2:33am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

by konacoffee17 / 12/14/2014 at 12:15am / United States (Oregon) / Love