About XxFikzlovexX : I'm awkward :$ honestly don't approach me...
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XxFikzlovexX's favorite FMLs
Today, after working a double shift, I got home to total pandemonium. My dogs had crapped all over the house, my kitchen was soaking wet, etc. My mother, who just moved in with me, was sitting on the couch, saying she had no idea what happened. FML
by ArtemisRwill / 07/14/2015 at 4:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a restaurant where the host is an attractive guy with only one arm. I was with my family, so I didn't want to be too obvious when checking him out. It seems like I was, though, because he came over and told me it was rude to stare at his arm. FML
by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 9:45pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML
by mytoehurts / 06/26/2015 at 9:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/18/2015 at 8:36am / United States (Florida) / Love
by Suicidal_Divide / 05/06/2015 at 3:25pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML
by Anonymous / 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm / United States (California) / Kids
by chassezlenaturel / 03/24/2015 at 8:58am / Belgium / Love
by tobuscus9412 / 03/21/2015 at 9:04pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML
by mafille / 03/18/2015 at 11:22pm / France / Kids
by SteamyPenguin / 03/13/2015 at 11:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by parkoursam / 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML
Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML
by pissed out pants / 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2015 at 11:34am / Ireland / Health
Today, a customer tried to order a Zinger burger. I tried to explain that he was at McDonalds and that the Zinger is a KFC burger. He accused me of lying to him and tried to report me to my manager. FML
by McSlave / 01/18/2015 at 2:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work