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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 November 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2069
  • Number of comments : 835
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Xotoolyxo : If you're reading this to get to know me better....why? Hah MSG me instead (: or ask for snapchat?(:

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Xotoolyxo's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33809) - you deserved it (42216)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (52435) - you deserved it (6823)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38873) - you deserved it (6441)

On 02/23/2013 at 2:32am - work - by mypelvishurts - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35422) - you deserved it (4971)

On 02/20/2013 at 5:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43303) - you deserved it (2939)

On 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm - misc - by daddy's girl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML


I agree, your life sucks (38465) - you deserved it (3955)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34598) - you deserved it (6921)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML


I agree, your life sucks (16648) - you deserved it (44321)

On 01/29/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by brannie - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML


I agree, your life sucks (16148) - you deserved it (27620)

On 01/21/2012 at 12:47am - love - by Reliena (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31002) - you deserved it (8876)

On 01/20/2012 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by Ouch (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42735) - you deserved it (3317)

On 01/14/2012 at 6:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45121) - you deserved it (3361)

On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (121321) - you deserved it (8909)

On 03/24/2009 at 1:47am - work - by frenchy (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

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