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Xilch

Offline (the 04/12/2015 at 4:21am) | Search for a member

Xilch

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 3680
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Xilch's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of Xilch's badges

Xilch's favorite FMLs

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

#21387066
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27085) - you deserved it (2013)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

#21380083
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36989) - you deserved it (2232)

On 03/23/2015 at 11:43am - misc - by Mr. Sniffles - United States (Ohio)

Today, one of my friends posted on Facebook saying if you're held up at an ATM, putting your PIN in backwards will alert the cops. I pointed out it's an urban legend, and asked how it'd work if their PIN was the same backwards. He drove over and beat the crap out of me. FML

#21332664
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34464) - you deserved it (5145)

On 01/07/2015 at 12:07pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

#21331973
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26505) - you deserved it (4282)

On 01/06/2015 at 11:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30681) - you deserved it (3153)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

#21315734
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21287) - you deserved it (27112)

On 12/11/2014 at 6:13pm - work - by IHateSchool-.- - United States

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35537) - you deserved it (4294)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

#21315591
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27496) - you deserved it (3219)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm - kids - by MedStudent90 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

#21309415
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48277) - you deserved it (13549)

On 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

#21309384
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27845) - you deserved it (7539)

On 12/01/2014 at 11:38am - misc - by WickedLittleDoll - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML

#21308801
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32964) - you deserved it (4240)

On 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by pooplife - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
88 comments


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