About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
by wil / 04/25/2015 at 1:55pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2015 at 12:27pm / United States (California) / Love
by leonuniz / 04/19/2015 at 12:34pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML
by assault and imnotracistbuttery / 04/18/2015 at 12:57am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by NoCnNoJustice / 04/17/2015 at 9:49am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals
Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML
by M.SHUKRI / 03/29/2015 at 8:54am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2015 at 11:30pm / Miscellaneous
by psh_idontbite / 03/12/2015 at 11:55pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/12/2015 at 9:43am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a new haircut. I was feeling pretty confident, until coworkers and family members kept making comments like, "I think you gained a little weight", "You look older" and "Do you still like guys?" Apparently, my new haircut changed my waist size and my sexual orientation. FML
by Lovemynewhaircut / 03/10/2015 at 2:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML
by Anonymous / 02/22/2015 at 3:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML
by notdaddy / 02/16/2015 at 11:39am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by toe / 02/02/2015 at 10:14pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health