About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up at 2am and went to use the toilet. I sat there doing my business, when I heard a voice whisper my name from behind me. I live alone and the toilet is right up against the wall. I screamed and ran back to my room, then went without sleep for the rest of the night. FML
by haunted / 10/23/2015 at 4:41pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by CalebLawrence / 10/22/2015 at 7:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/21/2015 at 8:12am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/13/2015 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by MeaganElizabethM / 10/11/2015 at 8:31am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 2:45am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/07/2015 at 9:45am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Work
Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I found out I have diabetes. She thought it was an STD and I had cheated on her. So I explained what it really was and she dumped me again because she didn't want her future children to inherit my fucked up DNA. FML
by Guy / 09/28/2015 at 2:49pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
by halfie / 09/26/2015 at 1:06am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2015 at 11:48am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by amburrjade / 09/22/2015 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Geek
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML
by no I've never asked for anal / 09/20/2015 at 9:44am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I tried the 'Casual Encounter' page on Craigslist. Three hours, a bunch of spam, and a 30-minute call to some company, speaking to some lady I could barely understand to recover the $40 somehow charged to my card. I think I might want to try other ways to meet people. FML
by StickyPickles / 09/16/2015 at 10:51pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML
by anonymous / 09/13/2015 at 11:34am / Luxembourg / Work
Today, I had a nightmare and woke up terrified, scaring my roommate. What was the dream? That I'd had a panic attack because my box of Honey Nut Cheerios was torn and the bag inside was improperly folded. FML
by smoothies14 / 09/11/2015 at 9:15pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous