About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, while trying to lift a weight bar at the gym, I ended up cracking my rib cage and almost passed out. My friend, who was supposed to be spotting for me, couldn't help until the last second because he'd snuck off to flirt with a pair of guys halfway across the room. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2015 at 8:35am / Australia / Health
Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML
by YourAverageFckUp / 08/22/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
by Anonymous / 08/21/2015 at 3:02pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2015 at 2:32am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love
Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML
by jarkleflob / 08/16/2015 at 1:49pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2015 at 11:49am / Intimacy
by RobotUnicorn1209 / 08/14/2015 at 3:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML
by Why Me / 08/12/2015 at 9:50am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, the girl I've loved for years kissed me. Then she started crying and wiping her mouth, and had a panic attack. I had to help her through it, tell her that it was no big deal, and that it would never happen again. FML
by TheDenmarkian / 08/04/2015 at 5:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/30/2015 at 3:29pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML
by Crap / 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2015 at 4:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by geek / 07/21/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML
by UnfortunatelySingle / 07/21/2015 at 2:15am / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,…