About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, I spent the only money I had left for lunch only to take two bites before a seagull snatched my burger from my hands. I had to shamefully start walking back to work with a pair of girls laughing at me and an empty stomach. FML
by shibs / 12/19/2015 at 9:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by Moth_Balled / 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm / Australia / Intimacy
by strictly cum prancing / 12/11/2015 at 2:48pm / United States / Love
Today, I staged an intervention for my dad, because his midlife crisis has spun out of control. When I told him he's now basically endangering his own life, he replied "Everyone's gonna die someday. Some sooner than others, eh porky?" FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2015 at 1:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I grazed my hand over the bottom of my desk's keyboard tray, and found something sticky. I gagged when I realized it was jizz, and I immediately washed my hands and wiped everything. I then checked my browser history, which was full of porn. Thanks, roomie. FML
by katluvnc / 12/03/2015 at 9:02am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML
Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML
by ohgodwhyfml / 11/28/2015 at 9:32am / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 11/25/2015 at 12:30pm / Switzerland (Fribourg) / Kids
Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML
by anonymous / 11/24/2015 at 2:38pm / Switzerland (Zug) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/23/2015 at 9:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 9:43am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, while bench pressing at the gym, I noticed my spotter had spit hanging from his mouth right above me. When I tried to warn him about it, he ignored me and told me to finish the set. When the drool fell in my mouth, I was startled and dropped the 175 weights and bar on my chest. FML
by Me / 11/19/2015 at 5:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at school, I was asked to play a complex piano piece in front of my class, teachers and guests. I nailed it, but what stood out most for everyone was how I apparently looked like I was being possessed while performing. FML
by auto boogie man / 11/19/2015 at 11:44am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous