About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, after spending a day in the ER and a day in hospital, I was recovering from emergency surgery. My boyfriend left to eat and didn't come back. He texted me 4 hours later that he was drinking with his friends and that he loved his "brown eyed girl". My eyes aren't brown. FML
by evenmybodyhatesme / 05/15/2016 at 2:47am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I'm still awake from not sleeping last night. The reason? At 2am I was in my garage when all of a sudden someone's phone went off outside. I live in the country and no one should be out there. Looks like I'm not sleeping for the next few weeks. FML.
by countryb_cth / 05/14/2016 at 4:57pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by edgyasfuck23 / 05/13/2016 at 1:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by benz1369 / 05/12/2016 at 6:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I walked into the kitchen to see my dad peeing into a cup. We made eye contact and he quickly threw the cup into the sink. Not one word has been spoken about what happened, and I saw my mom use the same cup later on that day. FML
by yamuda / 05/11/2016 at 7:24pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Miscellaneous
Today, I worked up the courage to ask out the girl I liked. I got her a nice bracelet for her birthday and asked her on a date when I gave it to her. "Aww, you're so sweet!" was the response to the gift. Her response to the date proposal? "Wait, you aren't gay?" FML
by Failsafe / 05/09/2016 at 10:35am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/08/2016 at 6:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML
by dempasi / 05/06/2016 at 2:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my overweight colleague twisted his ankle. He's pretty self-conscious about his weight, but I had a brain-fart and told him he shouldn't try to put too much weight on it. His feelings are more hurt than his ankle now. FML
by WeighYourWords / 05/03/2016 at 7:12am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Work
by jack the ripped / 04/30/2016 at 12:38am / United States / Health
by Coco / 04/19/2016 at 4:58pm / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2016 at 3:16am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:13am / United States / Health
Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 12:41pm / United States / Health
Today, $1,000 were stolen from a deposit box to which only I and a coworker have access. I was so nervous during my interrogation that the cop said he had no doubt I was the one who stole the money. I had nothing to do with it. FML
by cats1234 / 04/07/2016 at 3:19pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money
- Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I found my daughters hiding spot. Yeah there was dolls, matchbox cars and coloring markers.… Today, my best friend of 12 years told me she couldn't attend my wedding. What was so important to…