About Xanster82 : Fatty.
Xanster82's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:13am / United States / Health
Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 12:41pm / United States / Health
Today, $1,000 were stolen from a deposit box to which only I and a coworker have access. I was so nervous during my interrogation that the cop said he had no doubt I was the one who stole the money. I had nothing to do with it. FML
by cats1234 / 04/07/2016 at 3:19pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money
by anonymous / 04/03/2016 at 5:50pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, my girlfriend dumped me by text for another man while I was at work. While I worked the drive-thru, a customer noticed me choking back my tears and said "I'd be cryin' too if I worked your dead-end job." FML
by fuck off, for real / 04/03/2016 at 9:26am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML
by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
by mel / 03/25/2016 at 9:20am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by pantless / 03/21/2016 at 2:57pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and steamy in the shower, until I slipped and fell backwards into the shower curtain, which caused me to hit the back of my head on the toilet seat, and the bar of the shower curtain to land on my throat. FML
by Hotdamn / 03/21/2016 at 12:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML
by fml_anon / 03/19/2016 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/18/2016 at 4:56pm / United States / Love
Today, while out for a jog, I noticed that you never know how fast you run until you're being followed by someone in a car you don't know, and they're continuously honking at you. I later found out it my dad in his new car. FML
by CROCKIN5150 / 03/14/2016 at 12:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2016 at 12:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by sick of this shit / 03/12/2016 at 8:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend used my phone to tag some of my overweight Facebook friends in a weight-loss video, along with the comment "Here's some motivation, fatasses!" I was able to delete the post, but not before I got a bunch of angry messages. FML
by jwill200 / 03/08/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous