About Xanster82 : Fatty.
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Xanster82's favorite FMLs
Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML
by Puppysit88 / 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML
by happyharriet / 04/15/2009 at 10:32pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML
by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, I was stage managing a school show. Some kids were goofing off backstage, so I yelled at them that they could hurt themselves. While walking back to my chair, I tripped over my own feet and fell 5 feet off the stage. I shattered my cheekbone telling kids they would hurt themselves. FML
by AllThatJazz / 04/15/2009 at 4:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
by wishbone / 04/14/2009 at 4:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML
by Hikara / 04/13/2009 at 9:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML
by LeftOut / 04/13/2009 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by fatface / 04/13/2009 at 12:05am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop. I unpaused to find my character and my boyfriend's were no longer together. Slightly confused, I went on to find the note my boyfriend left. It said, "I hope you can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2009 at 2:11pm / United States (California) / Geek
by Fitz / 04/12/2009 at 9:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML
by MYLIFESUX / 04/12/2009 at 2:50am / United States (New Jersey) / Geek
Today, I was waitressing when a man sat at my table with soda from somewhere else. Drinks are half the profit for restaurants. There is a strict policy that you have to charge for carry-in drinks. I told him this, he yelled at me so I told him I was doing my job. I got fired, for doing my job. FML
by waitress / 04/11/2009 at 10:07pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, My friend and I were stopped at a red light while it was pouring rain. We heard a screeching noise off in the distance and thought, "Hope someone doesn't get hit." Someone did get hit. We did. From behind. FML
by RainyDay / 04/11/2009 at 2:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by ripped / 04/11/2009 at 2:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 11:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous