About Xanster82 : Fatty.
Xanster82's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Xanster82's favorite FMLs
by anal-retentive / 06/23/2016 at 4:00pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my little sister decided to move one of the mouse traps I set for our current mouse problem onto my desk chair. Apparently when a mouse is caught in a mousetrap it's cruel, but when it snaps on my balls, that's hilarious. FML
by Ow / 06/18/2016 at 8:51pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Kids
by Austin / 06/17/2016 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2016 at 1:07pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, a realtor came to take a look at my house. I had worked all morning to make it look lovely. When they took pictures, I explained a number of ways I could change things so everything would look as good as possible. After the house tour, they told me it should be bulldozed. FML
by Ophelia / 06/08/2016 at 12:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML
by Fish Breath / 06/03/2016 at 6:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
by eebie jeebies / 05/30/2016 at 11:31am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, my mom was "that" customer at the local drive-thru. She slipped into attention whore mode and bitched the guy out for not giving us extra fries. He said she didn't ask for any, which was true. Instead of apologizing, she swore at him and floored the gas, sending our drinks spilling all over me. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2016 at 10:20pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
by Ew / 05/26/2016 at 9:02am / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Noah98 / 05/25/2016 at 2:53pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I both got smart watches. We were running around, acting like we were in a James Bond movie, having fun. Until our neighbors called the cops on us for hiding in their bushes. FML
by nykkymcallister / 05/18/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek
Today, a TV crew filmed my house for a real estate show. They got an actor to pretend he owned the place but wanted to move. The host kept saying how shit my house is, and while talking about me with his producer, he said "Know how I know he ain't a fag? Fags can actually decorate." FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2016 at 10:50am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML
by dad, please / 05/16/2016 at 1:37am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML
by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 10:03am / United States (Oregon) / Health