Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Xalandra

Search for a member

Xalandra
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 26 November 1987 (26 years)
  • Number of visits : 448
  • Number of comments : 242
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Xalandra : My picture is my cat Puffy. She was the nicest sweetest cat ever. Unfortunately she was killed by 3 neighbor dogs a few days ago (that's my FML that didn't get approved) so basically people if you can't keep your dogs in your yard, registered(they didn't have collars), on leashes, and under control then DON'T have dogs. My cat was on my property, the dogs had no right to be there and they pummeled her to death. She was almost 18 years old and had a couple more to live, her death was completely preventable. In other words, take care of your pets so they don't kill other people's pets!!!

I hate extremists of any view point (besides loving your neighbor and the golden rule) especially extremist Christians because they make real Christians who respect people and care for them look bad. If they're telling you they hate you for thus that or the other reason they're not true Christians!

Xalandra's last visitors

gingerface81ms_fancypantsRababcomyoukeiphantom_ninjaZebediabolicalUskiesLadyLelan

Xalandra's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Xalandra's badges

Xalandra's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

#20991978
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49351) - you deserved it (6515)

On 12/14/2013 at 2:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

#20983710
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53115) - you deserved it (15701)

On 12/07/2013 at 9:55am - intimacy - by feiedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

#20980652
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39472) - you deserved it (9879)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:08pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

#20950555
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39173) - you deserved it (7165)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

#20900810
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31545) - you deserved it (3985)

On 09/29/2013 at 5:12pm - work - by Nice Melons (woman) - United States

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

#20870423
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20526) - you deserved it (41040)

On 09/06/2013 at 5:23pm - work - by howprofessional (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

#20626326
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38829) - you deserved it (2608)

On 04/27/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by Satan'sChildren - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

#20499970
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13108) - you deserved it (49339)

On 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm - misc - by mhmm... cumsquats (man) - Belgium (Brabant)

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26237) - you deserved it (7320)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

#20184036
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15629) - you deserved it (21419)

On 11/29/2012 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by comeuntome (woman) - United States

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8653) - you deserved it (18364)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17124) - you deserved it (40576)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML

#20129296
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8635) - you deserved it (48848)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:25am - kids - by Bratty son (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

#19818500
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19278) - you deserved it (2263)

On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: