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Offline (the 11/08/2015 at 2:22am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 26 November 1987 (29 years old)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 1039
  • Number of comments : 242
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Xalandra : My picture is my cat Puffy. She was the nicest sweetest cat ever. Unfortunately she was killed by 3 neighbor dogs a few days ago (that's my FML that didn't get approved) so basically people if you can't keep your dogs in your yard, registered(they didn't have collars), on leashes, and under control then DON'T have dogs. My cat was on my property, the dogs had no right to be there and they pummeled her to death. She was almost 18 years old and had a couple more to live, her death was completely preventable. In other words, take care of your pets so they don't kill other people's pets!!!

I hate extremists of any view point (besides loving your neighbor and the golden rule) especially extremist Christians because they make real Christians who respect people and care for them look bad. If they're telling you they hate you for thus that or the other reason they're not true Christians!

Xalandra's page activity

Visits<b>TheSenorPenguino</b> - the 06/30/2016 at 2:54am<b>caspertink</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 4:05am<b>nikkinik1424</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 6:35pm<b>Dalboz</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 11:35pm<b>frankiee22</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 4:26pm<b>youdumbstick</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 2:30am<b>idefka</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 6:02am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 9:08pm<b>meli1195</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 5:10pm<b>Quiet_one</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 8:00pm<b>Chanti</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 8:56am<b>AdamTB</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 10:25pm<b>Divine_Mamma</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 9:32pm<b>Miss_Mandi</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 1:00pm<b>ThatOneChick856</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 10:02am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 4:25pm<b>silkyred</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 1:30am<b>jadefire15</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 10:55pm

Fucked!<b>jadefire15</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 4:56am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 3:12pm<b>Lolgrrl</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 7:29pm

Xalandra's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Xalandra's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2013 at 2:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

by feiedbutter / 12/07/2013 at 9:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2013 at 5:08pm / United States (Idaho) / Kids

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

by Nice Melons / 09/29/2013 at 5:12pm / United States / Work

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

by howprofessional / 09/06/2013 at 5:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

by Satan'sChildren / 04/27/2013 at 10:30pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Holidays

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

by mhmm... cumsquats / 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm / Belgium (Brabant) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

by thanksbabe / 01/12/2013 at 1:32am / United States / Love

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

by comeuntome / 11/29/2012 at 2:42pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

by babyblues / 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

by Misunderstood Waitress / 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Work

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

Today, my young son and I were in line at Subway. I guess he got bored and started to insult the teenage girl behind us. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually the girl punched him in the face and left. As my son cried uncontrollably, everyone else there clapped. FML

by Bratty son / 10/23/2012 at 12:25am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids