Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

XPhoenixFire

Offline (the 07/25/2015 at 7:52pm) | Search for a member

XPhoenixFire

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3981
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About XPhoenixFire : Sarcasm is key.

XPhoenixFire's page activity

Visits<b>zadok24</b> - yesterday at 12:28pm<b>awesome14</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 9:54pm<b>emxy92</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 4:36am<b>BigL99</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 9:40am<b>sk8s4d8s</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 10:39am<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 11:03am<b>Sara95</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 8:44am<b>Kitty_Kat44</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 8:36pm<b>Steffi3</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 4:17pm<b>jpsullivan</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 6:11am<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 2:27am<b>myselfkk</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 2:16pm<b>limitedition</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 11:27pm<b>MetalxSoldier</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 3:15pm<b>oldmanringo</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 1:30am<b>Jake42100</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 11:52am<b>saifnaqvi11</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 9:32am<b>I_see_your_anger</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 9:20pm

Fucked!<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 8:15pm<b>thebigtwinkie</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 5:42pm

XPhoenixFire's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of XPhoenixFire's badges

XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

#21425403
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38185) - you deserved it (4193)

On 06/13/2015 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML

#21425364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28422) - you deserved it (1759)

On 06/13/2015 at 7:45am - work - by notfuckingpaidenough - United States (California)

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

#21425055
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24915) - you deserved it (4155)

On 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

#21423879
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30196) - you deserved it (1807)

On 06/10/2015 at 11:28am - intimacy - by waiting till marriage, she said (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

#21421827
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23323) - you deserved it (1742)

On 06/06/2015 at 3:19pm - work - by WarMachine68 (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

#21421754
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21683) - you deserved it (12417)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Eyebrowless (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

#21421687
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27442) - you deserved it (2277)

On 06/06/2015 at 9:01am - intimacy - by cockblockedbyFB - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

#21418223
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39675) - you deserved it (2300)

On 05/30/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by TooLoud - United States (California)

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25800) - you deserved it (5528)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

#21412078
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25104) - you deserved it (7105)

On 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm - misc - by Swabidizop - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

#21411735
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27932) - you deserved it (4022)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:54pm - intimacy - by fuckingdonuts - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

Today, I got a friend request on Facebook. It's from the person who crashed into my car earlier in the month. It's funny that she doesn't return my calls or messages, but liked my status about the accident. FML

#21409756
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27451) - you deserved it (1816)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm - work - by iamgodzilla (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

#21409743
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15130) - you deserved it (32270)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML

#21408927
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27118) - you deserved it (10841)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:38pm - kids - by NotAPrincess - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: