Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

XPhoenixFire

Online | Search for a member

XPhoenixFire

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4096
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About XPhoenixFire : Sarcasm is key.

XPhoenixFire's page activity

Visits<b>SHAMUS_the_WITTY</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 8:59pm<b>Radgears47</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 1:11pm<b>lchollett</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 3:54am<b>zadok24</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 12:28pm<b>awesome14</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 9:54pm<b>emxy92</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 4:36am<b>BigL99</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 9:40am<b>sk8s4d8s</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 10:39am<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 11:03am<b>Sara95</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 8:44am<b>Kitty_Kat44</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 8:36pm<b>Steffi3</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 4:17pm<b>jpsullivan</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 6:11am<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 2:27am<b>myselfkk</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 2:16pm<b>limitedition</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 11:27pm<b>MetalxSoldier</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 3:15pm<b>oldmanringo</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 1:30am

Fucked!<b>Radgears47</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 7:11pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 8:15pm<b>thebigtwinkie</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 5:42pm

XPhoenixFire's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of XPhoenixFire's badges

XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

#21461568
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22501) - you deserved it (2032)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML

#21458278
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22579) - you deserved it (1729)

On 08/19/2015 at 11:25pm - kids - by ambiiii - United States (Texas)

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

#21457342
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24542) - you deserved it (8950)

On 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm - work - by BarhydtBran - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

#21457265
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26728) - you deserved it (1800)

On 08/17/2015 at 6:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML

Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the video he secretly filmed of it. FML

#21457226
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26242) - you deserved it (2437)

On 08/17/2015 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND (man) - Canada

Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

#21425403
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38576) - you deserved it (4210)

On 06/13/2015 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML

#21425364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28443) - you deserved it (1760)

On 06/13/2015 at 7:45am - work - by notfuckingpaidenough - United States (California)

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

#21425055
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25878) - you deserved it (4556)

On 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

#21423879
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31758) - you deserved it (2230)

On 06/10/2015 at 11:28am - intimacy - by waiting till marriage, she said (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

#21421827
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23341) - you deserved it (1744)

On 06/06/2015 at 3:19pm - work - by WarMachine68 (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

#21421754
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22341) - you deserved it (12954)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Eyebrowless (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

#21421687
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28673) - you deserved it (2735)

On 06/06/2015 at 9:01am - intimacy - by cockblockedbyFB - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

#21418223
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41518) - you deserved it (2693)

On 05/30/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by TooLoud - United States (California)

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26322) - you deserved it (5636)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: