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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6879
  • Number of comments : 53
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About XPhoenixFire : Sarcasm is key.

XPhoenixFire's page activity

Visits<b>waleedma</b> - the 10/27/2016 at 9:07pm<b>sk8s4d8s</b> - the 10/23/2016 at 8:24pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/24/2016 at 8:45am<b>herecomestheboom</b> - the 09/23/2016 at 4:25am<b>disturbedgd</b> - the 09/15/2016 at 2:27pm<b>manofmerr</b> - the 09/15/2016 at 3:08am<b>PackardBell</b> - the 09/14/2016 at 12:26am<b>Lorex</b> - the 09/13/2016 at 11:41am<b>andrmac</b> - the 08/29/2016 at 6:49pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 08/25/2016 at 3:41pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 08/24/2016 at 4:32pm<b>donaldthegrump</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 11:16pm<b>trucker2</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 5:32pm<b>robsmit98</b> - the 07/31/2016 at 12:54pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 12:02pm<b>LuxEtTenebris</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 2:00am<b>Dusty_Cups</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 10:18pm<b>iliveformystery</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 10:20pm

Fucked!<b>sk8s4d8s</b> - the 10/24/2016 at 2:24am<b>andrmac</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 4:15am<b>trucker2</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 11:32pm<b>Cyntha</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 2:58pm<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 4:40pm<b>Radgears47</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 7:11pm<b>devildog562</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 8:15pm<b>thebigtwinkie</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 5:42pm

XPhoenixFire's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.


You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of XPhoenixFire's badges

XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs

Today, I pissed my pants in fear for the first time. Was I at a spooky haunted house? Nope, I turned a corner and got startled by a parked car. FML

by JustWashedTheseJeans / 10/24/2016 at 9:05pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I purpose woke up early so that I could be prepared for a class taught by a professor who thinks I'm an idiot. This professor was the first to tell me that I'm 2 hours early and asked very slowly if I know how schedules worked. She seriously sounded concerned. FML

by Ughhhhh / 10/03/2016 at 12:18pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

by MarsMayFall / 09/12/2016 at 5:56am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML

by harambae / 09/11/2016 at 1:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, after missing my flight and being stuck on the other side of the globe, I received a call telling me that the "male, neutered" kitten I adopted 7 months ago is now pregnant. FML

Today, I received a friend request from a boyfriend I hadn't talked to in 20+ years. A few minutes later he messaged me a picture of himself with a young woman at a strip club. My daughter. FML

by Redhottt6 / 08/04/2016 at 9:24pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my future husband presented me with an engagement ring he had had engraved with the pet name he calls his cat. FML

by purrfect :/ / 07/07/2016 at 6:34pm / Love

Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML

by bruised / 05/19/2016 at 4:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, after many days of messing around with wording and pictures, a huge and expensive printed card order came in to the office. I spelt the first word wrong. I can't get a refund. FML

by smidgit / 05/19/2016 at 1:32pm / Work

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML

by ambiiii / 08/19/2015 at 11:25pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2015 at 6:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML

by OhWhoCares / 08/17/2015 at 5:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the video he secretly filmed of it. FML

by YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND / 08/17/2015 at 4:14pm / Canada / Intimacy