About XPhoenixFire : Sarcasm is key.
XPhoenixFire's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs
by bruised / 05/19/2016 at 4:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Kids
by ambiiii / 08/19/2015 at 11:25pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML
by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/17/2015 at 6:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML
by OhWhoCares / 08/17/2015 at 5:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND / 08/17/2015 at 4:14pm / Canada / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 10:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML
by notfuckingpaidenough / 06/13/2015 at 7:45am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
by waiting till marriage, she said / 06/10/2015 at 11:28am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by WarMachine68 / 06/06/2015 at 3:19pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
by Eyebrowless / 06/06/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by cockblockedbyFB / 06/06/2015 at 9:01am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…