About XPhoenixFire : Sarcasm is key.
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XPhoenixFire's favorite FMLs
by JustWashedTheseJeans / 10/24/2016 at 9:05pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I purpose woke up early so that I could be prepared for a class taught by a professor who thinks I'm an idiot. This professor was the first to tell me that I'm 2 hours early and asked very slowly if I know how schedules worked. She seriously sounded concerned. FML
by Ughhhhh / 10/03/2016 at 12:18pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML
by MarsMayFall / 09/12/2016 at 5:56am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by harambae / 09/11/2016 at 1:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Xtrafresh / 08/30/2016 at 12:42pm / Netherlands / Animals
by Redhottt6 / 08/04/2016 at 9:24pm / Miscellaneous
by bruised / 05/19/2016 at 4:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Kids
by ambiiii / 08/19/2015 at 11:25pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML
by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/17/2015 at 6:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML
by OhWhoCares / 08/17/2015 at 5:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND / 08/17/2015 at 4:14pm / Canada / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…