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Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML
by Monsieur-Madame / 05/31/2012 at 4:19pm / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Love
Today, before I went into surgery, the patient next to me just finished the same procedure I was going to get. As he woke up in the recovery area 10 feet away, I was getting my final prep before the operation. On my way into the operating room I was comforted by his screams of agonizing pain. FML
by lubey / 05/19/2012 at 6:02am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by themcdave / 05/19/2012 at 4:03am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Work
Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said: "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/06/2011 at 7:47am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML
by troublewithbleach / 04/05/2011 at 9:52pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by JJMan217 / 03/29/2011 at 2:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by dickface / 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by ewww / 03/25/2011 at 1:31pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML
by FromNL / 03/25/2011 at 8:22am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Health
by Cxisbest / 03/23/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 8:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML
by parenting_failure / 03/20/2011 at 12:10pm / Kids
by dollarstorepwnr / 03/19/2011 at 1:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I was in a taxi in Mexico. The driver got fed up with the traffic and decided to cross the…