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Wiringify's favorite FMLs
Today, due to a new tattoo, I can't wear a bra for the next few days. My coworker knows about it and thought it would be funny to blast the air-con all day. I swear I could have used my nipples to type this, instead of my fingers. FML
by milliepede / 05/27/2016 at 12:03pm / Health
by ijustwannaplaymymusic / 05/27/2016 at 12:40am / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I was playing basketball in the searing heat with my friends. I jokingly told my friend that I was gonna die if I stayed out there much longer. Two minutes later, I got the ball and made the shot that won. Too bad I didn't see it, since I collapsed right as I took the shot and blacked out. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2016 at 12:07am / United States (South Carolina) / Health
by RedFaced / 05/26/2016 at 8:11pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by Disappointed / 05/26/2016 at 4:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by NittanyMangini / 05/26/2016 at 12:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally tested out my new robot vacuum cleaner. My puppy decided she would test it out too by leaving a brown surprise for it to find, which it did. There are now brown marks in every room of the house. FML
by justpeachy1989 / 05/26/2016 at 10:06am / Australia / Animals
by Ew / 05/26/2016 at 9:02am / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbor kindly set off a bed bug fogger rather than getting an exterminator, which we'd even offered to help him pay for. We have baseboard heating in our condo building. Guess where the parasites crawled to now. FML
by UniverseHatesMe / 05/26/2016 at 6:04am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, the first thing I noticed about my blind date was the clump of nose hairs sticking out and mingling with his beard. In an effort to not stare, I periodically glanced away. After a while, he asked which guy I was into at the table next to us, because I was spending so much time looking in that direction. FML
by anonymous / 05/25/2016 at 11:45pm / United States (Idaho) / Love
Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML
by Spongebob Garypants / 05/25/2016 at 10:05pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals
Today, I had a guest at my house. I stood up to shake her hand and kiss her on both cheeks, which is common in my culture. When she was kissing my cheeks, I went the opposite way from her and I ended up kissing her on the lips instead. Her eyes went big and I ran away. FML
by lmaofuck / 05/25/2016 at 9:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a trampoline park and jumped into an adult-area foam pit that apparently used to be for children. I guess it never occurred to them to change the depth of it, as I now have a fractured ankle. FML
by anonymous / 05/25/2016 at 8:34pm / United States (New Mexico) / Health
by Hamden824 / 05/25/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Noah98 / 05/25/2016 at 2:53pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…
- Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate.… Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to… Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her…