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WingsFan80's favorite FMLs
Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML
by :( / 03/19/2013 at 4:12pm / United States (South Carolina) / Holidays
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML
by butnotlikethat / 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm / China (Jiangxi) / Intimacy
Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
by chase / 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML
by Alone / 12/28/2012 at 12:24am / United States / Love
by Chanman1924 / 12/24/2012 at 4:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML
by shark / 11/26/2012 at 10:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/05/2011 at 12:30am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2011 at 12:15pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Intimacy
by Samantha / 01/01/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 9:20pm / United States (Montana) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
by dickwebs / 11/21/2010 at 10:42pm / Germany / Animals
by - / 11/08/2010 at 7:38pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, while working the cash register at my job, a little kid was running around with products while his mom was checking out. She told him she was going to give me his PSP if he didn't stop. He responded by throwing a bag of coffee beans at my face. I didn't even get to keep his PSP. FML
by BagelShmear / 10/06/2010 at 9:15pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
- Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By… Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire.… Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and…