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Offline (the 04/08/2015 at 8:47pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3957
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About Vita_1 : My mind usually goes blank when I'm asked who I am, but I'll give this thing my best shot. I was born and raised in Japan, and I'm in the states for college; I'm trying to become a cardiothoracic surgeon (otherwise known as a heart surgeon for those who didn't know). I speak several languages; I'm fluent in English and Japanese, somewhat fluent in Spanish (and British accents, haha), and a beginner in Russian, Chinese, Korean, and German, all of which I am teaching myself. My hobbies mostly involve sports, such as (but definitely not limited to) badminton, soccer, hunting, and volleyball, but I have some other things that I like to do that don't have to do with sports, like crafting. (I love making my own earrings.) I know I sound rather boring and stiff here lol but I swear I'm not in real life (except for when I'm asked who I am o_o) BUT hey if you feel like wanting to know more, message me and I'll reply :D

Vita_1's page activity

Visits<b>Helldemon</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 5:16pm<b>depressed_child</b> - the 03/25/2016 at 12:04am<b>adamant84</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 8:16am<b>Wontonfon</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 4:40am<b>03stroker03</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 6:46pm<b>Feremist</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 11:33am<b>HowieDoIt</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 3:13pm<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 9:42pm<b>thefmlstarfruit</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 2:05pm<b>izzy117</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 10:55pm<b>mu89</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 6:25pm<b>bananaman223</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 1:22am<b>Redskins2410</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 9:28pm<b>Olivia93</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 5:02am<b>PlayaSlayaC</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 3:44pm<b>subiegirl13</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 3:50am<b>DoctorWatson</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 3:58am<b>marisol180</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 1:34am

Fucked!<b>Helldemon</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 11:17pm<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 3:42am

Vita_1's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of Vita_1's badges

Vita_1's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

by heymacie / 02/19/2015 at 12:45am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

by crazy cat lady / 12/03/2014 at 6:24pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Animals

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

by I'm so wet, baby / 11/28/2014 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

by stampslife / 11/28/2014 at 3:00am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

by weirdthingtosay / 11/21/2014 at 4:56am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 3:15pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

by bookworm / 11/19/2014 at 3:56pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

by drugsforthugs / 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

by omgdesdes / 11/15/2014 at 8:29pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2014 at 7:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

by nenette / 11/12/2014 at 5:50pm / France / Animals

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

by Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX / 11/11/2014 at 10:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

by Pixel / 11/10/2014 at 4:10am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2014 at 6:59pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy