Search for a member

Offline (7 hours ago)



  • Town/Country : San Diego, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 March 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1525
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 65 posted

About VampObsessed : *In love with Chuck Norris; the man is God. *My book, The Eternal War, is available online at Barnes & Noble and Amazon. *Exerciseaholic! Every day; twice a day! *If you feel like talking give me a shout either on here or Twitter. @ashleytialong

I do have a confirmed FML though it doesn't show on my profile oddly. If you search gnome it's the third one down. Yes, my father still tortures me with gnomes.

VampObsessed's page activity

Visits<b>footinthemouth07</b> - yesterday at 2:16am<b>champ907</b> - the 09/02/2016 at 6:35pm<b>Gwenevier</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 1:58pm<b>thatonekidalex33</b> - the 08/26/2016 at 8:05am<b>liloh</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 7:43pm<b>Aviereus</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 10:31am<b>Justkidding100</b> - the 08/17/2016 at 6:12pm<b>crazy_bananas</b> - the 08/16/2016 at 10:11pm<b>TheDude992</b> - the 08/05/2016 at 9:43am<b>AlexArtorias</b> - the 08/05/2016 at 7:21am<b>OlRed</b> - the 08/05/2016 at 6:20am<b>TheDarkLight</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 5:48pm<b>SleepyPharma</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 3:15am<b>iDontReallyCare2</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 10:26am<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 10:21am<b>Sweet_Haruka</b> - the 07/15/2016 at 3:32pm<b>datshistylizard1</b> - the 07/09/2016 at 4:33pm<b>Ben_Dover831</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 6:18am

Fucked!<b>OlRed</b> - the 08/05/2016 at 12:25pm<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 4:23pm<b>eski2015</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 5:28am<b>D_Word_Head</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 8:28am

VampObsessed's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.


Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of VampObsessed's badges

VampObsessed's favorite FMLs

Today, it was the last day of finals. After sleeping less than three hours in the last two days, I got in the car to go to school. For a second, I thought my steering wheel, the gas pedal, and brake pedal were all missing. That's when I realized I was sitting in the back seat. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2009 at 8:08am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

by Jen / 12/01/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I found out that the plant in my kitchen that I have been watering for almost 2 years is fake. FML

by IlikeGreenPlants / 11/25/2009 at 9:41pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

by Catscratch / 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2009 at 9:23pm / Japan (Okinawa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

by ouchers / 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML

by Heather / 05/31/2009 at 1:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Holidays

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

by TayTay / 05/16/2009 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

by clementine_k / 03/21/2009 at 10:38pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 5:30am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy