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VJARZIMWM

Offline (the 03/26/2015 at 4:53am) | Search for a member

VJARZIMWM

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 170
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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VJARZIMWM's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

VJARZIMWM's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

#21299949
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35079) - you deserved it (3433)

On 11/16/2014 at 12:29am - kids - by wtfdad - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49257) - you deserved it (3481)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35640) - you deserved it (21563)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

#21275034
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38736) - you deserved it (5797)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by TalkDirtyToMe - New Zealand

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42727) - you deserved it (5151)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

#21262936
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37680) - you deserved it (4569)

On 09/22/2014 at 2:45am - health - by thebrokentardis (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41706) - you deserved it (11636)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

#21257129
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37759) - you deserved it (9066)

On 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

#21249089
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48311) - you deserved it (3995)

On 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by disappointedjamaican - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML

#21233221
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43618) - you deserved it (4100)

On 08/09/2014 at 11:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

#21226906
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33994) - you deserved it (22601)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was reading butthurt comments about how girl gamers can easily get dates and find love by simply existing. I'm a "girl gamer" who hasn't even found a date, let alone love. I've been looking since I was sixteen. I'm now 27. FML

#21179364
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44971) - you deserved it (7070)

On 06/18/2014 at 12:48pm - love - by AgentRarity (woman) -

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

#21119838
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38632) - you deserved it (3281)

On 04/22/2014 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

#20855163
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48328) - you deserved it (4843)

On 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by Miami6and3 - United States (California)



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