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UnwoundMars's favorite FMLs
Today, I was prank called yet again by someone asking for a game that was released over 10 years ago. The store I work at only sells modern titles, and I angrily slammed the phone down. My boss saw and fired me on the spot. FML
by rashpimplezitz / 09/08/2013 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Work
Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML
by Oh-Shit! / 08/10/2013 at 11:23am / United States / Health
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML
by JuggaloSlasher15 / 08/08/2013 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML
by notenoughunderwearintheworld / 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Transportation
by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm / Puerto Rico / Kids
by PerfectTiming / 07/08/2013 at 7:19am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Animals
by BlueB / 07/06/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML
by Jenn / 07/02/2013 at 10:39pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 10:39am / United States / Work
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
by whipplewhip / 06/30/2013 at 12:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 3:56pm / United States / Intimacy
by sugarysofalof / 06/13/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Sean / 06/09/2013 at 10:27pm / United States / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…