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Univornlover

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Univornlover
  • Town/Country : Stalker you don't need to know, somewhere in the world
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 25 September 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 107
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Univornlover : I'm nice and I like to make jokes.:)

Univornlover's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Univornlover's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I decided to tell our sixteen-year-old daughter that she's adopted. Her response was, "Thank God!" FML

#20123551
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22542) - you deserved it (5621)

On 10/19/2012 at 3:59am - kids - by best_mom_ever (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

#20115456
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24117) - you deserved it (1298)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

#20115322
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23476) - you deserved it (3049)

On 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

#20094121
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17266) - you deserved it (1196)

On 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

#20092131
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20666) - you deserved it (2083)

On 09/28/2012 at 10:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

#20089247
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17525) - you deserved it (1400)

On 09/26/2012 at 6:30am - misc - by dontrapeme - United States

Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML

#20089025
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24724) - you deserved it (1319)

On 09/26/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ahappypenguin -

Today, my wife of four years revealed to me that she once had sex with six men at once back in college. Apparently she still fantasizes about it when we have sex. FML

#20087984
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30460) - you deserved it (3115)

On 09/25/2012 at 11:09am - intimacy - by supapimpin (man) - United States

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

#20069063
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30923) - you deserved it (3587)

On 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML

#19800158
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21777) - you deserved it (3830)

On 06/17/2012 at 3:11am - misc - by historyfreak_17 - United States (Michigan)

Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML

#19514689
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24694) - you deserved it (3903)

On 04/23/2012 at 12:04am - love - by gottalovefriends - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

#19486028
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35872) - you deserved it (3391)

On 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by lindsaykay - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my Dad, and he decided to kick me in the butt while I was walking. When I went to kick him back, I hit my own leg out from beneath myself and landed on my face. The most embarrassing thing was that the people who saw all started clapping. FML

#17701196
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18161) - you deserved it (10963)

On 09/09/2011 at 12:10am - misc - by Krystyn Gareau - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

#17128085
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33180) - you deserved it (8187)

On 07/15/2011 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I ran to my car and zoomed to work to avoid being late. I was in such a hurry, I forgot to close all my windows. When I got back to my car, I found a dead squirrel inside. FML

#16937158
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20227) - you deserved it (7629)

On 07/01/2011 at 3:22pm - animals - by anon - United States (Michigan)



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