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UnicornFarts's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
UnicornFarts's favorite FMLs
Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML
by Anonymous / 04/03/2015 at 11:29pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by no, YOU raised him / 04/03/2015 at 5:15pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by m33p / 02/05/2015 at 3:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by bootyislife / 02/02/2015 at 11:36pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML
by frozenpoo / 01/20/2015 at 9:05pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML
by I'll Make You FartCum / 01/02/2015 at 4:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML
by missca / 12/15/2014 at 11:35pm / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm / United States / Intimacy
by wtfdad / 11/16/2014 at 12:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by sickyandiknowit / 11/08/2014 at 2:36am / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML
by Deadpool434 / 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML
by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Ryuun12 / 10/02/2014 at 11:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,… Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of…