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Ultimawolf25's FML badges
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Ultimawolf25's favorite FMLs
Today I went to my sleep therapist; I sleep 8 hours a night, but I'm still very tired during the day. I'm divorced, so we decided that I would record myself sleeping to see if I might be snoring. We listened to the tape. Not only was I snoring very loudly, I cry all night in my sleep. FM
by Sleeping moody / 08/08/2016 at 12:01am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by queerdragon / 02/25/2016 at 11:32pm / United States (California) / Animals
by doodlecrzyMeg / 02/04/2016 at 1:56pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I was talking to one of my supervisors at my new job. He asked if I knew a professor at the school I recently graduated from, and I decided to babble on about how shitty of a professor he was and how much I loathed his class. He then looked at me and said, "That's my dad." FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 9:51pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 2:03am / United States (Nevada) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2015 at 10:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2015 at 12:44am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML
by elena02 / 11/21/2015 at 2:45pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 7:44am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
by same / 11/21/2015 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Love
by anon / 11/10/2015 at 10:28pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, while changing the litter in the cat box, the brand new carton ripped open, spilling all twelve pounds of cat litter over my kitchen floor. Both cats promptly rushed over and began frantically urinating all over it. FML
by misfitunfit / 11/10/2015 at 8:24pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML
by CoffeeStained / 11/10/2015 at 10:54am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by desigirl / 11/09/2015 at 8:03pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love